For some time now I have been wrestling with the fact that people that I know. People that are straight forward and honest with me can LIE right to my face during a business negotiation. How can this be? How can someone do this and not think of themselves as a big fat liar?
Edit: Reading this a day after I wrote it I feel the need to clarify that I am NOT talking about any of my fiber friends here. I am thinking of some past employers.
Answer: During business negotiations folks are all playing a game! (except me apparently) The rules of this negotiating game are simple. Say or do whatever is needed to get the "other" to back down or give up trying to reason with you. Considering the points made or needs expressed by the other party is NOT part of the game. The arguments and facts don't have to be true or even relevant to the subject at hand. Wearing the other person down is the same as convincing them to join your side of the debate. Either will count as a win which is the ONLY important thing.
I never played that way.
For about a week I observed the goings on at work and verified my theory. Then I had another realization. This isn't just business negotiation. Expand the theory to interpersonal relations and the world makes sense now. This would explain why it takes me over an hour to decline a dinner invitation from a certain friend who NEVER just says "OK, maybe next time". It just goes on and on forever.... like a used car salesman... overcoming every objection... never... giving... up.
f - Bunch of us are getting together for steaks and wine tomorrow, wanna join us?
me - No thanks, maybe next time.
f - Why not?
me - I'm really tired from work and want to just stay home and rest.
f - rest up tonight and come out with us tomorrow
me - I don't want to leave my dog who just had surgery
f - get your daughter to watch her or bring the dog
me - she just had surgery!
f - exactly! She'll just sleep in the crate while we eat.
me - I don't want to put her through that! I just want to stay home!
f - It will be fun. I'll come by and pick you up about 5
me - NO I don't want to!
f - You'll be glad once you are biting into that good steak and drinking a glass of wine.
me - I'm VEGAN! and I don't like drink.
ETC. ETC. ETC.
Well, I'm a day late and a dollar short on this one. The day AFTER my great realization I see this article in the NY Times which basically says that researchers have come to the same conclusion.
Headline: Reason Seen More as Weapon Than Path to Truth
Cliff Notes: People argue just to win, not to listen to all sides and come to a fair compromise that benefits all parties.... it's just about a power over win.
Sometimes being right kinda sucks. I wish it weren't true.
Thanks for listening. Your reward is some yarn porn.
A little handspun with beads that I named "If You Pop That Gum One-More-Time"
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